Please No Blow for Pops

At what age do you cross the line from being a witty person with a daring sense of humor to being a pathetic middle-aged creep? At one point do your mildly raunchy jokes start making younger people cringe in equal parts pity, disgust, and horror?

I’m sure young people in their teens and twenties think I’m the pathetic over-the-hill old creep, because I’m in my 30s. Meanwhile I’m thinking men in their 50s and 60s who hit on me are creepy. People in their 60s no doubt think 80-year-olds are creepy. Basically, no one wants to hear anyone old enough to be their mother or father talking about sex in their presence, much less hitting on them.

Does it ever end? I think not. Once you’re on the slippery slope of aging it just gets worse and worse.

There is a sliding scale of creepiness regarding sexuality that occurs as you age. It’s not just miniskirts and Speedos that no one wants to see on your aging body, no matter what shape you’re in. I don’t know if it’s from the misguided notion that older people should have dignity, or what. It just seems like the older you get, the less you can get away with, at least until you’re 80 and senile and running through the streets with your pants unzipped and making suggestive comments to the nurses in the retirement home.

Maybe I'm over-reacting. This train of thought sprang into being after an older male coworker leered at a bowl of lollipops that a much younger female coworker innocently keeps on her desk. “I’m a bad boy, I don’t deserve a blow...pop!”

To compound the revulsion, they were Tootsie Pops, not Blow Pops. I feel that is an important distinction. It’s even worse when Creepy Grandpa tries to be witty and can’t even get it right! Now he's not just creepy, but senile. Pathetic.

But once I was done vomiting, I realized that had the speaker been 16 or 22, I wouldn’t have thought it was all that creepy, just goofy and juvenile. No, it’s because the naughty boy was in his late 40s that the Ick Factor was multiplied by 12.

It's sort of the sex version of those people who try in vain to use new slang or name-drop celebrities and pop culture references they think will prove they're still hip when they're around young people. Even if you do know the latest band and all the lyrics to their songs, it doesn't matter. They still think you're creepy. Meanwhile, I see 14-year-olds sucking face on the subway and want to hurl. It's like kiddie porn. I can't stand to watch.

I'm starting to think that while some people discriminate against children or the elderly, I’d prefer it if ALL people were merely seen and not heard. At least in the office. And when they're eating candy.